The last hour

// Le message français ne suivra pas, trop compliqué à traduire (et il se fait tard).

Note to friends, family and colleagues: DO NOT PANIC

At this late hour, a thought came to me... How would I feel if I was to learn that this hour was to be my last. At the moment, I think it would be filled with regret and rage... Odd you'll tell me for a newly wed; actually the whole exercise might seem a bit weird.

But you see, I use to say that I can be dead the next day so such thought isn't exactly foreign to my mind. This is how I can sleep at night on a mountain of debts without breaking a sweat as I'm worth more dead than alive (the joys of life insurances).

But that doesn't absolve me of the moral debt I have for more than one people... As my feelings for them range from "I'm sorry to leave you behind" to "I should have told you I love you so much more often" to "I'll wait for you before going on"... Yah I'm deeply concerned with people I care for, "to various degrees" as you can see...

Why am I thinking about this at the moment... Because it's the eleventh hour here? Probably not. I'm not passing cryptic messages on this blog anymore, but it doesn't mean my soul doesn't crave for some things... And that will never really change I guess.

I ought to be forgotten by some; that's both my deepest fear and what has to come to pass it seems. But does my feelings in these matters matter? Only those who will remember me can answer...

But that nonwithstanding and by leaving my rambling behind I can say: I was useful for some, instrumental for other's very survival and may yet still be of some use in the future so I could look back and say that overall my life wasn't so bad and was definitively worth living.

And I repeat: Do not panic!

The last hour just expired, it's 9 past midnight here. Guess what: dispatcher won't scream because I'm missing today. Parents, wife and relative won't cry all their soul out nor will friends or soul mate: I'm still alive. And kicking at the moment. As for colleagues, they will still won't be able to bum my office. :}

Smile everyone, it's the rise of a new day, be merry and know that you're esteemed at various level by at least this cranky blogger.